i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
