I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
