Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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