walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
