I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
