there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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