So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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