real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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