i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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