i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
