it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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