I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize