So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
