Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
