I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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