i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
