margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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