Life is so much better after having sex.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
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I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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