Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
