Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
