I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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