So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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