The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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