I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So vagazzling was a success
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
