I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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