my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
