last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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