You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
