Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize