My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
