I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
