what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.