I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives