sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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