Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
