Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
