Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
