You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just had sex on a roof
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
