i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we're making bets on your personal life
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
