Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
