I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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