Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
