I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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