Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
