at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize