1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
