Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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