i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
