I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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