it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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