i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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