If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
