Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
