Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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