Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
