I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
