i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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