Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
