If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
