Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
