I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
