in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
