So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
