love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
