a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have post one night stand depression
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