I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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